The following is important when ../../changing-minds but is broadly applicable to cothinking in any context.
It is nice to think that facts are what change people's minds, but the science of the human mind is less about logic than it is about surviving in the wild. Humans are one of many species who leverage collaboration and community to survive as a pack (like dogs), rather than fend for themselves as individuals (like cats).
Our brains aren't broken because we tend to align ourselves to the people who are nearest to us and the ones we trust. This helps us in certain situation but doesn't mix well with critical thinking.
Knowing this, we should avoid coming out of the gate pressing counterevidence unless we are taking a ../../introduction/the-three-types-of-engagement/prosecution approach which is meant to convince only the audience (the "jury").
In cognitive linguist /adam/cothinking/sources/lakoff-george 's book Don't Think of an Elephant, Lakoff explains how facts can be highly ineffective in changing minds.
Unfortunately, all too many progressives have been taught a false and outdated theory of reason itself, one in which framing, metaphorical thought, and emotion play no role in rationality. This has led many progressives to view that the facts—alone—will set you free. Progressives are constantly giving lists of facts.
So why can people perceive an important truth on a topic crucial to them, a truth that needs to be out in public, an dnot say it, not make it part of their everyday discourse? The reason is that just telling someone somthing usually does not make it a neural circuit that they use every day or even a neural circuit that fits easily into their pre-existing brain circuitry—the neural circuits that define their previous understandings and forms of discourse.
What you see others doing is neurally paired with brain activity that could control your own actions….The prefrontal cortex has regions that are particularly active during the exercise of judgment. These regions contain neurons that are active when we are performing some particular action and less active when we see someone else performing the same action. It is hypothesized that this gives us the capacity to modulate our empathy—to lessen it or turn it off in certain cases. The mirror neuron system thus connects us emotionally to others, but can in certain cases also distance us emotionally from others.
Families of cult members have experienced success with loved ones by simply listening, not disagreeing, and aligning with abstract values that positions are based on. Gaining trust should be your primary objective. This takes time and energy but you can get there. We know this is the case because the pull of trust is what got them there in the first place.
Once we trust people, the pack mentality kicks in and we want to change ourselves to better fit their values.
In cults, this technique is used for evil. Cults will often start by "love bombing" recruits. They are immediately treated as best friends, adorned, and get the attention of the loyal followers. After some time, the pack mentality kicks in and they find themselves aligning to whatever the cult says. Cults employ additional techniques like thought suppression to stop the flow of critical thinking and recruits find themselves only using the survival-alignment part of their brain.