When making friends, we want to encourage people to talk about themselves. Cothinking takes this to another level where we make the other person feel our minds are so invested into what gives their life meaning, they feel a deep connection to us. This is also good for us because it forces us to empathize with them and truly see the world through their eyes. We should feel the connection too.

When you listen to someone speak, look for abstraction wherever you can. Ask questions and give prompts that encourage them to make those thoughts more concrete. This can be done with the most ordinary and mundane of topics that would otherwise be perpetually dull topics in a conversation.

Them: I don’t know why I’m so tired.

Put your mind in theirs. Fight the urge to liken “tired” to what that word means for you. Tired is abstract so we work on the fact there is definition missing. What does that mean for them? How do they experience it?

You: When you feel tired, what is that like for you?

They tell you…or maybe they are confused by the question, so make it more concrete with a prompt.

You: …at work, at home. Do you typically power through it? Do you end with challenges you don’t normally have?

These kinds of questions pop the bubble that abstraction traps us in. We don’t get to the heart of what this person goes through in their life and what it’s like to be them. This prompts force them to grab the baton of our thinking and make it their own so they can answer the question. The directions you take from whatever they say will lead you to more interesting areas than their feeling tired. When you keep exploring you’ll uncover common ground you didn’t know you shared. Common ground and vulnerability are the currencies of strong friendships.